Scar tissue
by elliefrog
Summary: This is the revamped story of 'Love is found in time' although it is a slightly different plot. Bella mourns for not only the loss of Edward but for all of the Cullen's, at risk of falling into a state of depression she will never return from. Unbeknownst to her Angela Weber is a powerful witch intent on seeing Bella happy again and to do so sends Bella back to the year 1863.
1. Introduction and Prolouge

**Please read this, it is important.**

So this is a revamped story of an old one I did named 'Love is found in time', although the story was popular I did not like how some of it was written and I felt like the back story and plot in general was a little dodgy. Therefore I have rewritten it. For those who originally liked the story I will be getting around to sending you all a personal message and the storyline has changed a little bit and hopefully it has improved. Fingers crossed. For you to fully understand this story though It is important that you read the introduction as it explains some important things that will eventually be told and explain in the story but you may be a little confused. I have also changed some of the Cullen's ages and turn dates to suit the story and their "actors".

**Introduction.**

This story is set both in the past and the present with the present being 2014 and the past being 1863. Bella's parents were never divorced in this story but Bella's Mom did die when she was younger and so not only has Bella lived in Forks her whole life but Charlie and her have a pretty close relationship.

**THE CHARACTERS!**

(Some of these you will not know who they are but they will be introduced throughout the story.)

Bella Swan: 18yrs old and portrayed by Kaya Scodelario.

Jasper Whitlock: 21/22yrs old and portrayed by Eclipse Jackson Rathbone

Mr Whitlock: 50yrs old and portrayed by Viggo Mortensen

Caroline Whitlock: 15/16yrs old and portrayed by Rachel Hurd Wood (As she is in the film 'Perfume')

Amelia Wilson: 40yrs old and portrayed by Regina King

Angela Weber: 18yrs old and portrayed by Shay Mitchell

Peter Matheson: 17yrs old and portrayed by Dave Franco

Evelyn Wilkins: 19yrs old and portrayed by Troian Bellisario

Oscar Wilkins: 19yrs old and portrayed by Brant Daugherty

Elijah Mikaels: 36yrs old and portrayed by Daniel Gillies

Mary Mikaels: 35yrs old and portrayed by Rachael Leigh Cook

Tomas ?: 16yrs old and portrayed by Nicholas Hoult

Lily Horan: 18yrs old and portrayed by Sasha Pieterse

May Horan: 14/15yrs old and portrayed by Mia Rose Frampton

Carlisle Cullen: 30yrs old and portrayed by Ryan Gosling

Esme Cullen: 27yrs old and portrayed by Kate Beckinsale (Pearl Harbour Kate)

Alice Cullen: 19yrs old and portrayed by Ashley Greene

Rosalie Hale: 18yrs old and portrayed by Amber Heard

Emmett Cullen: 20yrs old and portrayed by Kellan Lutz

Edward Cullen: 17yrs old and portrayed by Dustin Milligan

Charlie Swan: 41yrs old and portrayed by a pornstacheless Billy Burke

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

Blackness was all I could see as I stared up from the forest floor. My hair was sticking to my neck and forehead, my body stung from cuts and my lungs were burning from my struggle to draw in air. I knew I was shivering although I didn't feel the cold. I didn't feel anything but numbness, complete and utter numbness. No pain or fear or sadness. Only nothingness.

I hear my name being called in the distance but I don't reply to it because it isn't his voice or any of their voices. Their faces flash in my mind making tears well up in my eyes and spill down the sides of my face. I draw in a raspy breath, the cold air burning my throat and making me cough and choke.

"Shit Bella!" the voice screams out, louder now than before. I feel arms underneath me, lifting me up and making the ground disappear from under me.

"Bella its Sam, you're going to be okay."

I continue to cough in his arms and try to speak to tell him that I couldn't breathe but it only comes out as more coughing.

"I'm going to get you to a hospital. Just stay with me." He begins to run as I struggle more and more to get air into lungs which felt like they were on fire from a lack of it. I was dying, an awful way to go in my opinion. I had once been so willing to die for Edward and the entire Cullen family and now I guess I was.


	2. Chapter 1

**AU: Okay so I know these are boring but bare with me. I am hoping to update this story once a week at a bare minimum and chapters will vary on length depending on how I think they need to end and what I think they need to include. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own and recognisable characters. **

**Please enjoy and feel free to add any questions into your review and I will answer them in the next chapter :)**

**Ellie. **

**Chapter 1**

Beep

Beep

Beep

The insistent beep of hospital machines was the first thing I heard as I began to gain consciousness.

"Not only was she was suffering from hypothermia, she had two cracked ribs and a severe gash on her abdomen which will leave a large scar unfortunately; if she wasn't found when she was she could have died. You're very lucky Charlie…"

I fall into unconsciousness again to the soft voices of doctors and beeping machines.

Beep

Beep

Beep

"Why isn't she waking up? It's been almost a week Luke."

"Give her time Charlie; she went through quite the ordeal."

Beep

Beep

Beep

"Dammit Carlisle answer your phone! My daughter is practically in a coma because of your fucking son."

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

Oh god my head. I groan as I try to sit up, gripping my head in my hands as I do.

"Bella?"

I open my eyes to see the face of my father sitting on a chair beside my bed and give him a small sleepy smile.

"Hey Dad" my voice comes out sounding like I has swallowed a handful razors making Charlie quickly grab the jug of water at my bedside table and pour some into a Styrofoam cup, handing it over to me. I take it gratefully and after drinking all of it I place the cup down on the table.

"Thank you Dad" I say, my voice sounding a little better.

He smiles at me and lets out a sigh which turns into a broken sob. "I thought you were going to die Bells, when we bought you in here…" he clears his throat as another sob passes through his lips. "You were pale as a ghost Bella, and your skin… your body temperature was 64 degrees! I almost lost you too." He sobs again as he says the last sentence, gripping fistfuls of his hair in his hands and slouching in his seat. The site breaks my heart and I carefully reach my hand out, cautious of the IV in my arm, and cover one of his hands with my own.

"I'm here Dad, I'm alive and I'm here" tears fall down my face as I remember the reason as to why I was in hospital but I push the thought of them away. I couldn't focus on them now, they were gone and Dad was here broken at the thought of losing his daughter. He had already lost his wife he didn't need me to die and leave him to.

He looks up at me before standing up and wrapping his arms around me carefully.

"I love you Bella. So damn much."

"I love you too Daddy."

He pulls back slightly and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, kissing my forehead. "Alright I'm going to go get Doctor Evans. I'll be right back, I promise."

I nod and he kisses my forehead one more time before walking out of my room. I sit there for a moment as I watch the door close before heartbroken sobs escape from my lips, shaking my body and making it ache. The pain was good though, it reminded me I was alive. I take a shaky breath and fall back against the pillows making me wince and gasp out. Gingerly I lift my hospital gown up to reveal a gash about fifteen centimetres long on the side of my stomach. Just another scare to add to the collection I guess. Before my Mom died, every time I would fall over or do something to cause a scar she would tell me that every scar tells a story, that they are a constant reminder of the battles we face in life and that we are lucky to have the scar because it means we survived it. It didn't matter if we won or lost, only that we survived. She said that all of my scars meant I was a fighter. That I was strong. I certainly didn't feel like I was during that moment.

I trace the gash with my fingertip, feeling the bumps from the stitching as the door opens and my Dad and his friend Doctor Evans walk in making me have to pull my gown down quickly. I knew Doctor Evans well as he had treated me throughout my entire childhood, through every flu and fall he would be there with a lollipop and a smile.

"It's good to see you awake Bella" he says smiling at me as he walks over to the end of my bed and checks my chart. "Alright, now that you're awake I would like to give you another full examination just to see how you are healing and to test for any other type of damage that could have occurred, such as memory loss."

I nod up at him but don't say anything.

"Alright then, do you want your Dad to stay in here or would you prefer for him to wait outside?"

Looking over at my Dad I bite my lip and give him an apologetic look, he nods in understanding and leaves the room, I was very glad for his ability to know what I want with a single look at that moment.

"Okay, so Bella I'm just going to get you to perform some basic motor movements, ask some questions and then just I'll just do some physical tests."

"Do you need me to get up?"

"I think it would be best if you were to remain laying down, your body is trying to recover from trauma and you need to rest as much as possible sweetheart."

I smile slightly when he calls me sweetheart like he did when I was little but don't say anything, nodding instead.

He gets me to do some simple movements such as lifting my leg or wiggling my toes and fingers whilst he asks me questions ranging from my first teddy bears name (a stuffed elephant called Birdy), My mother's birthday, five hundred take thirty six plus seventy, little things like that. When all of that was done he checked all of the minor cuts on my legs and arms as well as a gash I didn't know I had on my forehead before he uses the blanket to cover me up to my panty line and lifts my gown up to just under my breasts. I blush in embarrassment and close my eyes as he checks the gash on my side and my cracked ribs.

"Sorry about all that Bella."

"It's alright, it had to be done."

He nods as helps me pull my gown back down.

"You seem to be healing well and I think you'll be able to go home tomorrow as long as you promise me to be on bed rest until the 29th, which is when you will be able to go back to school."

"Deal" I say as I lean back into my pillows, getting myself as comfortable as possible.

Dr Evans looks at me for a moment before sighing and sitting down in the chair my Dad had been in when I woke up.

"Listen Bella, what happened to you was terrible and I want you to know that if you ever need it there are some very good counsellors here at the hospital, I know you liked Lyn after your Mom passed and she is still here if you want to talk to her."

I swallow the lump that has risen in my throat and bite back the tears that threaten to fall.

"Thank you Luke, I'll keep it in mind."

"Good girl, you're…" He looks down as his pager goes off and he gets up. "I've got to go but I will come check on you tomorrow and see if you're well enough to check out."

"Thank you Luke."

"You're more than welcome Bella" he squeezes my hand once before walking out of the door, leaving it open for my Dad.

"What's the verdict Bells?"

"He thinks I may be able to go home tomorrow."

"That's great; it'll be good for you to be in your own bed and home. Are you hungry?"

"No I'm fine Dad, but you should probably go home and great a good night's rest and have something to eat. I'll be fine here by myself."

"I'm fine staying here Bella, you don't need to worry about me."

"Seriously Dad, you need the rest you have bags under yours, I know you're tired."

"Alright I'll go but call me whenever okay? Whatever time it is I'll be here before you can hang up the phone."

"Thanks Daddy. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too."

We hug each other goodbye and I kiss his cheek. Just as he is leaving a nurse comes in asking if I want anything to which I say no. Once she leaves I am alone and I can't keep away the pain anymore. I hide my face in my pillow and cry for the loss of not only Edward but an entire family. My body feels as though it is falling apart piece by piece and so, ignoring the physical pain, I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them to try and hold myself together. If I just held myself tight enough I wouldn't fall apart. I knew this wasn't true but I wanted to believe it, I wanted to believe that my chest didn't feel like it had a gaping hole in it from where my heart once was. I wanted to believe that they hadn't left me, that the love I had for them was returned.

I knew none of this was true but I wanted to believe it more than anything.


	3. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you to everyone for the favourites/follows and reviews. I'm glad that people seem to be liking this story because I think it's an improvement on the original.**

**Lady Skyelite: No Bella's gash was not caused by a stick or a branch. That is all I am answering about Edward however as I don't want to give away any spoilers, I will be dropping some hints throughout different chapters however. But what happened may actually surprise you. The first hint was in chapter 1 and there will be more in chapter two but it will not be pieced together and the whole truth revealed until one of the later (very later chapters). I will tell you however that Alice is not a bad person in this story and she and Jasper are friends.**

**Ellie**

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><p>Chapter 2<p>

I was alone again and it was quiet, the sun shining lightly through the clouds and trees. A rarity for Forks. To anyone else it the scene would appear serene, picturesque even. Not to me though, the air was too thick, the forest to silent and the shadows to eerie. There was a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach that refused to budge and it made me nervous. Made the hairs on the back of my neck and arms stand up and caused an uncomfortable shiver to pass through my body.

"Hello?!"

My voice echoes throughout the forest, adding to its eeriness. There is no answer and my fear and anxiety spike. My breathing picks up. Clouds of cold air forming with every breath. I shiver again, but it's not from the cold. I am petrified with fear when I hear the snap of a twig behind me, I take a deep shaky breath and close my eyes, clenching my fists and as I turn. What I see when I open my eyes does not comfort me as all there is only more trees, moss and nothingness. The clouds cover the sun once more and I begin to frantically turn again and again, trying to find a way out.

There is a chuckle in the distance but when I look towards it there is no one there, only the increasing sense of dread in the pit of my stomach and so I do the only thing I can. I run. I run and I don't stop running even when I trip I pick myself up quickly and run and run and run even when my lungs are burning and my throat is dry from my heavy breathing and my voice hoarse from screaming for help I run only to find more forest and more nothingness and when I can no longer take it I fall to my hands and knees crying and exhausted. It was over; I rock back onto my heels and clutch my stomach as I cry. Wetness on my hands brings a look of confusion onto my face and I bring my hands up, turning my palms over, letting out a blood curdling scream.

There was so much blood. I look down to by stomach to see blood _pouring _out of it, soaking my shirt and then leaking onto my jeans. I turn to the side as I feel bile rising in my throat and throw up. NO! No no no no! More blood.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?!"

I scream into the empty forest, the same evil chuckle being the only reply I get. Picking myself up off from the forest floor I begin to run again ignoring the blood pouring from me. I reach a lake and run towards the water, tripping over a log as I do. Pulling myself up I begin to crawl towards the water, the chuckle getting closer and closer. I don't know why I was heading towards the water but when I finally reached it I did not recognise the person staring back up at me. Her skin was so pale and stretched it clung to the bones of her face, her hair falling from her scalp and the barely there flesh was falling off in patches as though she was rotting. I stare in horror as blood starts pouring from the girls eyes like tears and a blurry reflection comes up behind her, wrapping their hands around my throat.

"You are nothing Bella. A disposable little human."

I struggle against the hands around my neck, kicking my legs and trying to pry their hands away with my own as I struggle to draw in air and try to scream out for Edward to come and save me.

"What's the point in fighting Bella? Don't you realise that you were _nothing_ but a plaything?. A toy."

The person chuckles and puts their foot on my back, pushing me down.

"And now you're a broken toy, and do you know what people do with broken toys? They throw them out!"

I bolt upright, screaming as I frantically search for a light. The door bursts open and the sudden light hurts my eyes as I continue to scream. Two nurses rush in and come to my bedside trying to calm me as I look around the room and pant in fear, eventually calming enough that one nurse leaves and I am left with a woman whose nametag reads Jenni.

"It's alright sweetie, it was just a nightmare. And a doozy by the look of your heartbeat, it's going faster that a jackhammer."

Jenni pushes me down slightly so I am leaning against my pillows which she has fluffed and fixed so I am sitting and not laying down. She grabs a cup and pours some water into it, holding it against my lips and tilting it so the water goes into my mouth and I swallow it gladly as it helps soothe my aching throat.

"There's a good girl. Now do you want to talk about it?"

I shake my head, unable to find my words.

"Okie dokie then, how about I just sit here with you for a while then?"

I nod, still unable to speak as she sits in the seat next to my bedside and I roll onto my side so I am facing her; she looks to be in her mid-fifties and has a grandmotherly feel about her. Her eyes scream kindness, with the wrinkles on the sides that I see on people when they smile a lot and are hazel colour, her hair is blonde and looks like it had never been dyed. Her complexion is fair like mine but somehow it is different, it had a kind of glow to it. It was _healthy_.

I try to remember the last time I felt truly healthy. Surely it was when I was with the Cullen's. Their name causes me to wince and tears well up and spill from my eyes. Thankfully Jenni doesn't say anything, she just reaches up and starts to caress my hair as she lets me quietly cry. Her ministrations continue and I am reminded of when my Mom would do this for me when I was upset, it didn't take away the hole in heart but it was comforting.

Thinking back to that day in the woods I frown as I realise I can't remember it all, I remembered Edward leading me into the forest but not so far that I couldn't see my house anymore, and I remember him saying that they were leaving. I tried to tell him I was going with them but he wouldn't listen. He told that I was just a way for him to have a few moments of relief from the boredom that came with eternal life. He had compared it to a cat and mouse chase and then nothing. I don't have any recollection of how I ended up so far in woods or anything between then and when I was laying on the forest floor right before Sam found me. What the hell happened to me? Why hadn't Edward come and helped? Surely he would have smelt the blood from my cut and realised I was hurt. I shake my head and push him out of it. I couldn't think of him, it hurt far too much, like my heart was being rip from my chest again and again, leaving me in a state of total numbness.

Eventually Jenni's soft caresses helped me fall into a dreamless but uneasy sleep that I didn't awake from until the clock read 7:30am. I yawned and stretched, wincing at the pain in my body as I do. It's 8:00o'clock before anyone comes in my room and Luke smiles at me as he walks towards my bed.

"Morning Bella, how are you feeling today?"

"Better" I say generally, not wanting to say anything that might make him think I can't go home today.

"Excellent! Let me just give you a quick check and if everything looks good you can head on home. Sound good?"

"Wonderful" I give him a fake smile.

He checks over my injuries, chatting lightly as he does. I nod and "smile" at all the right times but don't offer any really conversation in return. I would have felt rude if I had the energy to.

"You're looking good, healing as well as you should be considering the circumstances. But there is something I wish to talk to you about before your Dad gets here Bella." He clears his throat and sighs as he looks down at me, "Nurse Jenni said you had a pretty severe nightmare last night. She said you woke up screaming."

I sigh and close my eyes; I really didn't want to be talking about this.

"I did but I'm fine now, it was just a nightmare. It happens." I smile as best as I can at him which seems to make him happy.

"Alright but if they continue I would like you to take me advice from yesterday about seeing a counsellor."

"Will do."

"I've got to finish my rounds now Bells but I hope to see you before you leave and if I don't you have an appointment booked in to get your stitches out in a couple of weeks anyway."

I nod at him and yawn so he leaves for me to get some more rest. I drift off to sleep again and wake up a few hours later to see my Dad walking through the door with a duffel bag.

"Hey Dad" I say sleepily.

"Hey Bells. I got you some clothes to change into and a nurse said she'd come in and help you in a few moments while I sign some papers to get you released. Then we can go home and we'll watch that Wuthering Prejudice show you like so much."

My Dad's words bring a genuine smile to face and I even chuckle slightly.

"That sounds great Dad, although Wuthering Prejudice sounds like a weird fanfiction crossover so I think we'll just stick with Pride and the Prejudice. How do you not know that anyway? Jane Austen's Pride and the Prejudice is one of the most famous works of literature in the world. So is Wuthering Heights."

A look of confusion passes over his face at my mention of fanfiction and he mumbles something about teenagers these days.

"I don't know Bells; guess I should blame your Mom for distracting me in class."

I giggle as he blushes and leaves to go sign my release forms.

Five minutes later Nurse Jenni walks in, smiling brightly.

"Good morning sweetpea. How did the rest of your night go? When I left you were sleeping as sound as a baby."

"It was much better, thank you for last night and I'm sorry for any inconvenience."

"Don't be silly, trust me I deal with inconveniences for a living and that was not one of them. My own daughter suffered from nightmares when she was a little girl and I know she hated being left alone after them."

"But I'm not a little girl."

"Maybe not my little girl but you're still your Dad's little girl. He loves you to bits your Father."

I don't know what to reply to her and so I stay silent as she starts to pull the IV needle from my arm and disconnect the various machines from me before helping me up and then out of my hospital gown and old underwear, then helping me put on fresh clothes. Normally I would have been embarrassed but I was too emotionally exhausted to care. To feel anything really.

Once I am fully dressed she helps me walk down to where my dad is and they both help me to his car. Both my Dad and I thank her and she surprises me slightly by hugging me goodbye. Dad buckles me in to the car and I rest my head against the window as we drive home in silence. When we do get home Dad makes me sit on the couch as he rushes around the house to get things, not wanting me to do anything myself. Finally he comes in with his arms full of a blanket, food, water, and even tissues. He places them all on the coffee table and turns towards me awkwardly with his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched.

"Uh look Bella… I… I know that your Mom probably would have been better at all of this breakup stuff but I'm going to try okay? I know what to do to help with your physical wounds but not really the other ones. Anyway I guess I'm sorry about that."

Regret manages to make its way into my otherwise non-existent emotions as I look up at my Dad. He was trying so hard to help me and I could barely even manage to put a smile on my face. I take a deep breath and resolve to just pretend around him. Just to try and pretend that I was okay.

"You're doing great Dad and I couldn't ask or imagine a better Dad in the world, just by being here for me you're helping and I love you all the more for it." None of that was a lie, but unfortunately I can't say the same for my next words. 'I feel fine, I mean I'm a little sad but he was just a guy right?"

He nods and smiles at me with relief showing on his face, grabbing the blanket from the coffee table and wrapping me up in it before walking over to the TV and putting in the first disc of the BBC Pride and the Prejudice series.

He looks pleased with himself when he turns around to see me with a smile on my face. Guilt washes over me briefly at the lie of my smile but I can't keep the emotion there and so the numbness returns. We sit together and watch the show and I decline his offer for food, to which he states that I hadn't eaten any proper food in about a week and if I didn't feed myself he would feed me. I almost couldn't believe it when he actually did.

For a while I can almost make myself believe that everything is actually okay but once Dad falls asleep and I have no one to pretend for I just couldn't do it and the only emotion that doesn't leave as soon as it comes returns. Pain. It comes back so strong that I struggle to keep quiet as I cry for what feels like hours until I drift to sleep. Waking hours later to the sound of my own screams and Dad shaking me softly.

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><p><strong>So there you have it, chapter 2. It may seem as though I am dragging this out a little but I'm doing for a reason and you are just going to have to trust me.<strong>

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW. Feedback is honestly my bestfriend. And the more reviews I get the more likely I am to post the next chapter sooner than I was going to.**


	4. Chapter 3

**AN: WARNING this chapter does contain themes of depression and some self-harm.**

**I do not own any recognizable characters. The plot of this story is purely my own messed up imagination and is NOT based on real life events. Particularly this chapter. **

**Excuse any Australian spelling. **

**Enjoy. **

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

My days started to fall into a pattern after I got home from the hospital, Dad had taken a few days off work to take care of me and so they went as such. Wake up screaming, tell Dad that I was fine and didn't even remember the nightmare, get up, shower, get dressed, eat a few mouthfuls of food to make my Dad happy and put on the best smile I could, stay away from my room, eat a bite of food, smile, stay away from my room, smile, eat, smile, go to bed. Wake up screaming.

This continued until the day Dad had to go back to work, which I was thankful for, I love my Dad but I wanted a few days where I wouldn't have to pretend to be okay.

"Bells I can take another day off work I don't mind."

"No Dad it's okay,_ I'm_ okay. You're going crazy staying home every day; you need to get out of the house."

He leans against the kitchen counter and sighs, "I just worry Bella, the nightmares still haven't gone away and you've lost weight. I feel like you're wasting away on me sweetheart."

"I'm recovering from trauma Dad, everything will be back to normal in a few weeks. I promise."

"Fine, call me if you need me, eat and don't do any house work, I'll do it when I get home."

"And I will see you then."

"Love you"

"Love you too."

When I finally hear his cruiser leave I'm relieved, keeping a smile on my face these past couple of days has been exhausting and I'm glad that for a few hours I didn't need to pretend. That I could just grieve and cry in peace.

The day passes uneventfully and I find myself crying at random points throughout it, but the pain I felt during those earlier days didn't accompany it anymore. Nothing accompanied the tears but numbness. I knew I was a shell of myself and that the road I was on was a dangerous one but I didn't care because I didn't _feel_. And when I did feel something it was nothing but a tiny fleeting morsel of emotion. Despite not caring about where my life was heading, I didn't like being hollow and emotionless. I wanted the pain back simply so I could feel _something_.

As the days continue to pass however it is proven to me that I wasn't suddenly just going to be able to feel again and so my life continues. It continues without him and I hate it. I throw myself into my school work; ignoring my friends and their attempts to comfort me. I manage to keep up appearances around Dad and even managed to start waking up from my nightmares before I started screaming. He thought I was getting better and that was what I wanted, because now he wasn't constantly watching me and worrying about me. My stiches all got taken it and I had a large scar from the gash on my side and a smaller one from the gash on my forehead, it didn't bother me though. One thing that came out of throwing myself into my studies was that I managed to graduate before Christmas break. I didn't find any enjoyment in life but I still managed to go through the routine of it.

I was home alone a lot of the time now. It was a good thing.

Christmas comes. And then it goes.

I don't really keep track of the days anymore. I didn't even know it was New Year's Eve until my Dad asked what my resolution was.

My New Year's resolution? Deciding that I needed to get over not being able to go in my room without being reminded of _him_. It was my room and my house. On the second of January (which I only now because of yesterday) I decide it is time. Shakily I manage to open my door and step in my room. I'm taking deep breaths, trying to be calm but everywhere I look he is there. At my window, on my bed, my rocking chair. He's everywhere. I grab the closest thing to me (a photo frame with a picture of my Mom in it) and chuck it against the wall screaming. I grab something else and throw that as well. And another and another and _another. _I destroy until there is nothing left to destroy and I'm left a sobbing mess on the floor, surrounded by broken glass and memories. I move my hand, accidentally cutting it on some glass and wince. Pain. I felt it. After three and a half _months _of numbness I finally felt something. Biting my lip I pick up a shard of glass, and bring it up to my face, staring at it. Slowly I put the tip of it against my thigh, pushing it in slightly and pulling it along my thigh making a cut a couple of centimetres long.

I'm in bliss as the pain comes and I tilt my head back smiling. And then it's gone.

"NO! Why won't you stay?! JUST FUCKING LET ME FEEL!"

I scream and begin cutting all over my legs screaming continuously for the pain to stay. My thighs are covered in blood but I continue to cut. I bring the shard of glass up to my wrist, digging it in, starting to pull it along when it is ripped from my hand.

"BELLA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

I look up to see my Dad standing there with a terrified look on his face. Standing up I glare at him.

"I JUST WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING! I'M NUMB DAD! NUMB! HE LEFT AND HE TOOK EVERYTHING WITH HIM AND I CAN'T FUCKING FEEL ANYMORE! I JUST WANT TO FEEL! I DON'T CARE HOW! NOW GET OUT! JUST GET THE FUCK OUT AND LET ME FEEL!"

"No Bella, I won't let you do this to yourself. I won't let you destroy yourself. I thought you were getting better but obviously you're just getting worse. I will NOT lose you because of what some selfish idiot did to you. You think he took everything? Well you still have me! You still have me! And your friends, they're scared for you Bella. Angela rings me every day asking if you're okay and every day I tell her you're getting better. Obviously that was a huge fucking lie."

He is red in the face by the time he has finished talking and we are glaring at each other.

"Now I'm going to take you to the hospital and then I'm going to get you help, I don't care if I have to send you away to do so but you are getting help. You're depressed Bella and killing yourself is not the answer."

I turn away from him and lean down to pick up another shard of glass but he grabs me and pulls my arms behind my back, taking his handcuffs from his uniform and handcuffing my wrists.

"What the hell Dad?"

"I told you Isabella; we are going to the hospital and getting you some help."

"No Daddy please, just uncuff me, I promise I won't do it again. I'm fine Daddy. Really it was just a silly moment and I'm fine."

"Bullshit Isabella. I don't believe a word that's coming out of your mouth and I don't think I will for a long time."

Lifting my foot up I try to step on his feet but he moves his foot back before I can and lifts me up carrying me as I push against him.

"Let me go!"

He doesn't say anything as he continues to carry me to the car and put me in it with my hands still cuffed, buckling my seatbelt. When he is in and buckled up he turns his siren on and starts driving towards the hospital. I fight against the cuffs but it becomes more difficult as I start to feel the effects of the blood loss.

"Daddy" I mumble out.

He looks over at me and I see the fear on his face.

"Shit! We are almost there Bella just hold on a little longer, stay awake baby stay awake."

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm so sorry." I feel tears fall down my face as the world gets more blurry and my head falls back.

"I know baby I know. No Bella come on you can make it!"

The car screeches to a stop and he gets out rushing to my side and basically ripping my seatbelt off and undoing the cuffs, picking me up and cradling me in his arms as he runs with me towards the emergency doors. My head falls back in his arms and I see the lights of the hospital and the noises of people yelling and rushing. I'm taken from my Dads arms and put on a bed. With my eyes barely open I reach out for him.

"Daddy" I say weakly.

"It's okay baby it's going to be okay."

And then there is blackness.

Charlie's POV

I fall into a chair in the waiting room and put my head in my hands as I cry for my daughter. Not even four months ago she was fighting for her life and now she was doing it again. Only this time she had tried to end her own life.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and look up to see Jenni, the nurse from last time.

"Hey Chief Swan, I got you some coffee, you've been sitting here for a while."

"How long?"

"Almost an hour."

"Damn it. How's Bella?"

"I'm not real sure at the moment, but I'm sure she's fine, you've got a strong girl Chief. "

"Yeah I do. I just wish she realised it."

A throat clears and I look over to see Angela standing there with a bag.

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"Not at all dear, I have to get back to work anyway." Jenni answers as she smiles at her, she pats me on the shoulder before she walks off, leaving me and Angela in the waiting room.

"Hey Charlie."

"Hi Angela, what are you doing here?"

"Just had a feeling"

"I see."

She walks over to me and sits down, opening her bag and pulling out a few things before handing them over to me.

"One set of clothes for a Mr Charles Swan."

I smile in thanks and don't bother asking how or where she got them; sometimes you just had to let things go around that girl. She's always been a little different. Walking into the restroom I start to strip off my uniform, cringing at the sight of my daughter's blood. More tears escape my eyes and I grab some paper towel, wetting it and starting scrubbing at my skin to try and get the blood off. Once I have gotten it all off and changed I walk back out to see Luke talking with Ange and I jog over to them.

"How is she?" I practically beg.

"She's… she's alive. She needed several of the cuts on her legs stitched, she lost a lot of blood from those but that wasn't our main concern. When she tried to cut her wrist she managed to hit a vain slightly before she was stopped and she was bleeding out. We managed to stop the blood but her heart stopped while we were trying to. We managed to bring her back but she died Charlie. For about five minutes she was dead. I almost called it, then she just started breathing again. Isabella is damn lucky she is alive right now, and I think this proves that she needs help."

I choke back my tears. She died. I mean she was alive now but she actually _died_. I nod at Luke as I run my hands over my face suddenly very tired.

"I know, I'm going to get her some help. I don't care how much it costs or where it is she is going to get the best help possible."

"Good, I know of some places so if you need any help you know where to find me."

"Thank you Luke, I don't know how I will ever repay you for saving her."

"It's my job Charlie, and I haven't saved her, I may have stopped her from dying but mentally the only person who can really save her is herself."

He comes over and hugs me and I hug him back gratefully. In my eyes he was a hero.

"You can go in and see her if you want to but she will still be asleep from the medication. I'll see you later Charlie."

"See you later Luke, again thank you so much."

Once he is gone I take a deep breath and look over to Ange.

"Ready to go see her?"

"Yeah."

When we finally get to the room I hear Ange's intake of breath as she looks at Bella.

"I didn't realise", I smile sadly as I see tears running down her face and realise she is talking about Bella's appearance. Looking at my daughter saddens me, she barely looked like herself anymore, you could tell she had lost a lot of weight just by looking at her hollow cheeks and the lack of meat around the rest of her face. Her arms were on top of the blankets and again there was barely anything there but skin and bone.

"I don't think she wanted to die, she wasn't trying to kill herself. She was just trying to feel something. Even if it meant physically harming herself." I say as run her hair through my fingers.

"I can help her Charlie."

My brows crease as I look over at Ange.

"How?"

"I can't tell you exactly because you would think I was crazy and send me to the nut house, but you know how sometimes I just seem to be able to do things and know things? Like how I knew to come here tonight? Well it has something to do with that. So please Charlie, let me help her. I know I can."

Nodding I can't help but agree with what she is saying, she did have an uncanny ability to do things and I had never wanted an explanation because I didn't need one. Because I trusted her. She loved Bella like a sister; they had grown up together since they were babies so I knew she would never do anything to hurt her.

"Alright I trust you. You say you can help Bella and I believe you, I neither want nor do I need an explanation, just do what you have to do to get her better."

"Thank you Charlie" she takes a deep breath and looks down at Bella sadly. "I need to go and get some things ready, get her home tomorrow and make sure you say a proper goodbye because you won't be able to see her for a while after tomorrow.

"When will she be back?"

"I don't know, when she's better I hope, maybe before then. I can offer her help and give it to her but in the end it all comes down to her choices."

"I see… Thank you for doing this Angela. I know I said I'd get her help but truthfully I wouldn't know where to start."

"You're welcome Charlie, I care for her too you know."

"I know."

At that she leaves and I am left alone with my daughter. She looks peaceful in her sleep, like she did when she was still a little girl. When I could protect her. Leaning down I kiss her forehead and sit next to her bedside.

"You know Bella, when your Mom first told me she was pregnant with you I…I was so scared. We were so young, we hadn't even been married a year yet. We spent the whole time she was pregnant stressing and trying to make everything perfect and safe for when you came along. When you finally did I remember thinking that I had never seen a more beautiful or perfect person in my whole life. Holding you for the first time, I was still scared but you looked up at me with those big brown eyes, and you just stared and held on to my finger. I knew right then that no matter what happened we would be okay and that I would always protect you. I failed you babygirl, for that I will be sorry for the rest of my life. I want you to know though that I am so proud of you and that your Mom is as well, you grew up to be an amazing, kind and beautiful person" I let the tears fall down my face as I hold her hand and hope she hears me "I'm sorry I let someone hurt you, I promise you though that you're going to get better. That one day you will realize how strong you truly are and when you look at your reflection you won't see what you do now. You will see the incredible person I do. The incredible daughter I love."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>Man the feels evoked from this chapter, I was almost crying as I was writing it.

**A note on depression:** I would like to take this time to talk about depression. It is a very serious mental condition that effects a lot of people. It is also categorized by a lot of people and so when some people actually do have depression their behaviour makes people not believe them. Everyone is different however and just because a person with depression is not acting how you believe they should be does not mean that they do not have it. If you personally are suffering from depression please please please seek help because you don't have to be alone and you have every right to be happy.

**I hope you enjoyed and again please please please review. **

**Ellie xx **


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